Changing relationships and Mind Reading.
Your sexual desires, arousal, and relationships go through changes which are absolutely normal, hell it would be abnormal if they didn't. Life can cause sex to be like a roller coaster due to environmental things, work, children, school, and anything else you can think of. Stress, medication, and new medical issues can all have an effect on sex, sexual desire, and arousal. It is important to have conversations and check in with your partner about the things that you are experiencing or going through so your partner can get a better understanding of what's going on.
Expressing yourself (because your partner isn't a mind reader) and keeping open communication about these topics will create opportunities for you to tweak what's happening and make some changes if necessary. These conversations aren’t always the easiest but they are absolutely necessary. Discussing wants and desires on a consistent basis will allow for less anxiety and more openness to explore. Since desire and arousal change letting them in on how you are feeling can take some pressure off and lead to acts that may not be just penetrative focused because there’s so much more to sex than that! There’s a lot of unlearning and relearning we have to do when it comes to what sex and intimacy are and can be. There’s SO ways for pleasure to be acquired. Trying new forms of intimacy or adding some fun new gadget's into your life can definitely be game changers.
Allowing your partner to be themselves and express themselves sexually is a life fulfilling experience and can lead to a more intimate bond. We don’t know everything and our sex education was lacking or nonexistant so if you dont know something or what something is look it up and educate yourself. Stop being close minded and limiting your experiences. Going through these changes and figuring things out is the fun part, life is a journey, our sexual life is an ever changing journey as well! Relationships take work and so does our pleasure.
Our partners aren’t mind readers yet we want them to know what we want and desire in bed. That’s not possible! The key is figuring out how to talk to them to not only teach them but to get them to understand our wants. Letting them know how we like to be touched, what our love language is, what our favorite toy is, what turns us on, and what really satisfies us doesn’t happen overnight. It can take some time. You also need to take some time to learn about your partner and what they want and desire. The main thing here is that BOTH of you want to learn and make each other happy, it will not work if it is only one sided. Another tip is to stop assuming that every partner is the same because that is so far from the truth. Make your partner feel special and take the time out to learn them, it will make the overall experience better!
If having a conversation and dialogue about what's going on doesn't help hiring a sex coach or sex therapist may be really beneficial to your relationship. I am always available for one on one sessions.
