In honor of Masturbation May: Let’s Rub it, Flick it, Touch it, Work it.
Masturbation can come easy for some but for others it can be a bit daunting. Getting in the mood for self pleasure, erasing possible shame, being in the moment, or figuring out what you like can all be troublesome. Timing can also be a big issue when trying to get some solo action. I strongly suggest you make some! Everything that I've mentioned is perfectly normal due to our ever changing and busy lives but if you want to change it, now is a great time!
Reclaiming your sexuality from previous traumas and bad experiences can be life altering. Exploring can be empowering. It was for me personally. Not to mention it is a great stress reliever. Everyone needs to make some time for them self. It is important not only for your mental sanity but your sexual sanity. There is nothing wrong with self pleasure, it's sex with someone you love! It’s the safest form of sex. So take some well deserved time and focus on pleasure, your pleasure. You are deserving of it. Whether you orgasm or not, the goal is pleasure.
Let me give you a little back story into my first masturbation experience. I never knew anything about masturbation, I winged it and failed. I was never taught about it since I grew up in a very conservative Catholic household. My Sex Ed lesson was merely an anatomy book that I was given to read.
I wanted to finally give it a try after hearing a few of my college friends talk about it. It felt good but my mind didn't know what to do, what to think, and I couldn't relax. Back then I had never even had an orgasm during any of my sexual experiences so I didn't even know what it would feel like. I was hesitant but didn't get discouraged, I just took a different route than before, one that I knew would mentally turn me on. I took a nice hot shower and started to read the "Sex Chronicles" by Zane and those stories sure as hell jump started my inner sexual desire. I had recently attended a college sex toy party and remembered I had bought a vibrator, so I took it out knowing it would come in handy soon. I tried different positions and different vibrator speeds until I found the best pleasure sensation. I applied pressure and held it there. A few seconds went by and I felt something I had never ever felt before. I had my first orgasm! I gave myself my first orgasm. I was so upset I had never experienced this magic before nor was even told about it!
Well, hello orgasm and Hooray for masturbation! From that point on I would masturbate and learn my body, my sexual body. I learned how fast or slow my clitoris liked to be caressed and how she felt during high or low vibrations. The higher vibrations won her over. By learning what I enjoyed, I was able to openly communicate to my future partners what gets me off. Being honest and transparent with myself boosted my confidence and self-awareness. Communicating sexual wants or desires in a relationship is crucial especially when it comes to pleasure.
Having a love affair with yourself is both mental and physical. Love yourself and your body, guilt and shame free. It took me a while to be gentle with myself due to past experiences however I made a conscious decision to change my life for the better.
Some of my suggestions are to light some candles, play some soft sensual music, turn on a good porno, read an erotic book, however you set your ambiance, is exactly that, your perfect ambiance. Take a hot shower or bath and rub your sexy body, slowly. Embrace and feel every touch and wonderful sensation you are receiving. Take your time. Being in the moment is key. Reach into that spank bank and seek a pleasure-filled experience that makes you tingle. Remember no one can hear what you're thinking, no one knows or can judge your fantasy. It is completely yours. It is limitless. Dry yourself off slowly perhaps in front of a mirror, dance a little. Take oil or lotion and tenderly rub your body. Give yourself a massage. Start from the top and work your way down saving your magic for last. Take a little more time on your nipples, erect them. Moving further down don't forget your stomach and hips, let the anticipation build.
Regardless of what genitals you have now is the time to start sensually rubbing and caressing them. Hairy or shaved embrace it. Up and down, in a circular motion, fast or slow, soft or hard... you be the judge. Repeat the steps that are pleasurable for you.
You don't have to use just your hands or fingers, there are various sex toys that are wonderful to use such as vibrators, dildos, and penis strokers that can add amazing stimulation to this experience. They are my favorite additions! The great thing about toys is that you don’t need to be monogamous with them, you can have as many as you want or desire. You can even engage in mutual masturbation where as a couple you masturbate with each other. There's plenty of ways to engage in sexual activities alone or with your partner (s) having fun and creating new intimate moments can have such a positive impact on the relationship.
Below is PDF style worksheets from Autostraddle that can be printed out and competed alone or with your partner! You can use these to help you open communication, find out about toys or sensations that you never knew existed, and discuss future desires.