The Sexual Liberation in Knowledge

Originally Written for the Delta Foundation Pride Magazine

I wish I had someone like me when I was younger. I was naive and uneducated up until about college, mind you I had been sexually active well before that. I remember being in 6th grade and the teachers separated the boys and the girls into different rooms to talk about “sex”. For us girls it was more like tampons, periods, and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) - not sex, not pleasure and it certainly wasn’t inclusive. I am not sure what the boys discussed and I didn’t ask them any questions. All I remember is that it was super awkward when they walked back into the room. It was vague, and it definitely didn’t prepare me for real life sex. My "sex talk" (if you would call it that) in my very conservative, Catholic household was an anatomy book handed to me by my mother when I was in 8th grade. I had to learn and educate myself. I read books and learned from experience. Through that I ended up being the friend that all of my friends went to when they had questions. 

I took many college courses that opened my eyes to so much. My Human Sexuality course is where I heard the word "clitoris" for the first time. I was truly stunned by this because I took anatomy courses, and none of the professors discussed this part of the body. That was wrong and unnerving on so many levels. During this time, I attended my first sex toy party. I bought my first vibrator and I had my first orgasm. This is when the light bulb went off in my head, my “ah ha” moment.  I saw the need for this type of pleasure-based sexuality education not only in my life but societies. I wrote many of my papers in college on this and related topics. For instance, I wrote a paper on prostitution and the need for proper open and unbiased education. I started attending seminars, workshops, and reading many books. I then became the educated friend that all of my college friends came to for questions and advice. I started my sex education journey back in 2011. I had an online sex toy website and did in-home sex toy parties. This was fun for a while, but I had a deeper desire to educate. It takes a special kind of person to be able to have fun while getting the right message across.

Human Sexuality is a studied science, just like all other sciences that might come to mind. However, it is the one science that has to combat ancient ideology, beliefs, religion, and personal thoughts that oppose what has since been proven. Sexology science and education is all encompassing. Much of the sex education we receive simply educates us on periods, condoms, and STIs; Nothing about pleasure or orgasms. Many people say to leave this kind of education to be taught at home; However, this is where a huge problem arises. Unfortunately, many parents and guardians don’t feel comfortable discussing these things or answering the questions their children are asking. This could be for a number of reasons. However, if a child is asking questions, they are more than likely hearing about it or are around it and are curious. It is always best to answer their questions to the best of your ability or send them to someone who can.

                Headlines demonstrate almost on a daily basis that today's society is seriously lacking in sex education, sexuality education, and adult education of the like. Sex education is more than just talking about intercourse and STIs. It encompasses thoughts, feelings, consent, self-control, anatomy, and pleasure among much more. Humans are sexual beings and we have been since the beginning of time. Relationships are important whether they are intimate or platonic, and as humans we need both of these types of relationships to grow and flourish in life. Enthusiastic, ongoing consent is key in having a successful, pleasurable sexual relationship. 

We talk very frequently about sex in a negative way when we should be discussing it in a positive, and pleasurable light. Our minds, bodies, and feelings are intricate; and we are just now scratching the surface when it comes to studies of the sexual human. Hell, we even put a man on the moon in 1969 before we found out the true form of a clitoris in 1998! Activist and photographer, Sophia Wallace has a wonderful New York exhibit called “Cliteracy” that celebrates the clitoris and all its glory. 

                  Now more than ever it is important not only to educate ourselves, but the generations that are coming behind us. We live in such a sex-obsessed country. “The first step is learning to see our own kids’ sexuality as a necessary and normal part of the human lifespan from birth to death. We are born with bodies, emotions, and desires -- including sexual desires.” Al Vernacchio, sexuality educator.  We hear and see sex in the movies, music, television shows, and in our daily lives, but we are never allowed to talk about it in its entirety. Lately, it seems as though all we have been hearing about is sex painted negatively and shame-filled. With our own President having sexual assault allegations against him, and extra marital affairs all throughout the news, our children deserve to have access to inclusive, open knowledge so they can do better. 

     Sexual knowledge is power, protection, and pleasure. When we can openly discuss sexuality, it will make the world a better place for all. Unbiased and shameless education is wanted and very much needed. Discussing sex, sexuality, and gender will open the door to liberation and understanding of which many of us are in need. Humans are more complex than we would like to think, and we all can’t fit into just one or two boxes. By having and acknowledging all different types of humans we can help to decrease bullying, suicide, and violence, while increasing body positivity and self-love. If one has an open-minded, shame free view of sex, it can liberate and make sex so much more enjoyable. Sex should be fun, consensual, and pleasurable. If your partner doesn’t care about your pleasure or orgasms, they don’t care about you. As humans we need to be more understanding and accepting, and less judgmental. And I believe that sexual liberation in knowledge can assist in accomplishing this. Love is love!